From the archive
When I arrived on the train in Seattle, I was supposed to be picked up by two people I had never met. Their names were Kari and Abby, and they met me holding a sign with my name on it. However, the only paper they had was a post-it note, and my name was written on the diminutive page. Two bashful girls holding a miniature piece of paper caught my attention more so than the fact my name was written on it.
While sitting around a bonfire on Orcas Island, in Washington, Justin Dechow (who has two different colored eyes) told us that one time, his friend Ben was supposed to hang out with him and the guys, but had simultaneously made arrangements with his girlfriend at the time. When Ben arrived at their house, he announced that he had to take a shower real quick. Half an hour later they noticed that Ben was still in the shower. They knocked on the door and peaked in, only to find that the shower was still running, the window was open, and Ben was gone.
One of Jenny’s housemates told me that Jenny told her that at the veterinarian’s clinic, there was a woman who brought in a dying animal in a shoebox, placed it on the counter and said, “I think this kitten is about to die, can you help?” At which point, the vet opened the box, inspected the animal, informed the woman that it was a squirrel, and said that, sadly, there was nothing they could do. Later, I made Jenny tell me the story again.
Maggie was a bridesmaid in a wedding last weekend and she fainted right before the “I Do’s.” Next summer, Olga is going to the Ukraine to research christian themed doom metal. Once, Sarah Hudson attempted to bring a full stalk of brussel sprouts on an airplane from Oregon to Michigan. They were a Thanksgiving gift for her mother, but apparently the vegetables were eyeballed suspiciously from airport security all along the way. Recently, at an airport security checkpoint, I was subjected to a frisking…of my hair. I thought it was a joke at first, but it wasn’t. Have you ever felt latex gloves frisking your scalp? It’s not pleasant.
There is this girl who works at the sandwich shop and she went to this party with her boyfriend but she ended up making out with Vinh instead. Mid-kiss she decided there was something uncomfortable, so she interrupted the frenching and extracted a pair of scissors from her valise. She then proceeded to cut off a bit of his moustache. After surveying her handiwork, she then resumed kissing.
Heather was slated to perform at the backyard comedy night, but she had butterflies, and in an effort to quiet the butterflies, she had a few nips of tequila. The drinks made her so sleepy that she fell asleep on the porch and then later when she went home she fell asleep in her dog’s bed and stayed there; All Night Long. She said it was pretty comfortable.
I met Nell Newman (the woman on all the Newman’s Own labels) at an organic conference in Stevenson, Washington and I learned that she was a Falconer.
While I was at a concert a real stranger offered me candy and I had to decline.